A dwarven faireh tale

It's happy hour, the alcohol is flowing. It's time to pull up a tankard of ale, bottle of wine for the ladies and regail tales of heroism and grandeur.

Topic/Postby Finna » 24 Mar 2010, 16:40

A dwarven faireh tale

A long time ago, in a land far, far away (tha' bein' tha land o'them longears) thar wos a littl' Dreanei lass called Whitehoof.
She were livin' in a nice castle with 'er stepmotha'. Tha stepmotha' 'ad a mirror tha' ye cud ask evrythin' annit wud answer ye bar onleh iffin ye asked eet in rhyme. Nae in punismen', jus' in rhyme *nods*

Noo where wos ah. Och aye.
Tha stepmotha' used tae ask tha' mirror "mirror mirror on tha wall, who be tha fairest o'them all?" an' tha mirror would answer 'er tha' tha' wos 'er. Bar sum day, after little' Whitehoof wos born, tha stepmotha' asked again an' tha mirror answered tha' Whitehoof wos more fair than 'er. Tha stepmotha' exploded.
After she pulled 'ersel' taegetha' again she called fer tha orcish 'unter tha' wos employed in tha castle (tae git them tha meat fer meals) an' ordered 'im tae kill Whitehoof. Tha 'unter went oot an' tracked tha lass.

After a bit 'e foond 'er. Whitehoof wos scared an' begged tha greenskin tae spare 'er. Apparentleh thar be orcs with a 'eart because 'e got pity with 'er an' send 'er off. Instead 'e shot a Talbuk an' took it's front 'oofs, 'eart an' 'orns with 'im tae tha stepmotha' tae show 'er proof o' 'is kill. Tha stepmotha' wos pleased.

Whitehoof meanwhile wos walkin' through tha forest, cryin'. She wos lost an' it wos gettin' dark. Suddenleh she 'eard singin'!
"Rifles blow an' axes swing, we be Guards o'forge an' king! Marchin' on an' marchin' free, tha Dwarven Squad is who we be!"

She went to look an' saw seven dwarves walkin'. She dared nae speak tae them an' quickleh walked th'otha way, untill she reached a littl'house. Tha door wos unlocked. Whitehoof wondered who wud left 'is door open bar did go inside. Eet wos nice an' warm an' light in thar. She discovered sum ale on tha table an' started drinkin' eet. Wanderin' trough tha house she foond sum beds, neatly on a row an' she wos so tired (an'drunk!) tha' she emediatleh fell asleep on wan o'them.

After awhile tha singin' returned. Tha seven dwarfs tha' Whitehoof had seen earlier came in an' saw the ale bein' gone. They made a lot o'racket an' started beatin' each otha oop untill sum o'them, still fightin', discovered littl'Whitehoof lyin' under a bed. Under? Aye. She had woken oop an' got afraid o'tha fightin' dwarves so she hid.

They surrounded 'er an' glared at 'er so she started tae cry again. This softened oop tha dwarves a littl' an' they introduced themselves tae 'er: Grov, Borrador, Bordin, Magrin, Grimthal, Grogbe, and Beyram. Tha Dwarven Squad. They instantleh fell in love with 'er. They told 'er this wos their ootpost an' tha king 'ad sent them tae scout tha surroudin's on horde behaviour. They told tha lass tha' she cud stay with 'em bar she had tae dae their household work. She agreed.

Sum time went by an' Whitehoof lived with tha dwarves. Meanwhile, in tha castle, tha stepmotha' 'ad discovered tha' tha 'unter 'ad been lyin' an' chopped 'is 'ead off. She wos askin' tha mirror an' tha mirror answered tha same thing, Whitehoof wos more fair than 'er. Tha stepmotha' exploded again. Luckily this time thar wos a lackey with a broom aroond. Saved 'er sum trouble o'pickin' 'ersel' oop.

Tha stepmotha' went intae 'er basement an' created a foul poshun. She changed 'ersel' intae a litlle old gnomeladeh an' dipped th'apple intae tha cookin' pot. Tha' is, she tried, bar she wos tae small. Mutterin' she changed back, dipped the apple an' changed intae a gnome again. Tanj'n cookin' pots bein' so high.

'Nyway. Oot she went, intae tha woods, where Whitehoof wos pickin' swiftthistle fer tha tea. Tha stepmotha' introduced 'ersel' tae Whitehoof as Esmerelda tha old 'erbladeh an' offered 'er an apple. Whitehoof wos very thristeh from pickin' tha swiftthistle an', naive as she wos, took a big bite o'th'apple. Emeditatleh tha world started swayin', an' she fell doon unconcious. Cacklin' tha stepmotha' dissapeared intae tha woods, thinkin' eet wos done noo. An' aye, once she got 'ome she asked tha mirror an' tha mirror answered she wos tha fairest again.

Meanwhile tha dwarves noticed tha' their 'ouse wos pretty messeh an' they started wondrin' where Whitehoof wos. Mutterin' aboot lasses an' keepin' time they started tae look fer 'er. They fin'ly foond 'er lyin' in tha middle o'tha forest. Magrin tried tae 'eal 'er bar they foond oot tha' a bit o'apple wos stuck in 'er throat an' nae mettah 'ow they shook 'er (they even threw 'er offa cliff), th'apple wouldnae budge. Fin'ly they put 'er in a coffin' o'glass an' carried 'er back 'ome with sad faces.

Suddenleh Grov tripped o'er a stone an' tha coffin' tumbled doon. All yelled at poor Grov bar suddenleh Beyram noticed tha' tha bit o'apple had got loose. They all cheered, bar eet wosnae gud yet. She wos still oot.
Sad, they sat doon with 'er because the coffin' wos broken an' tossin' 'er home wos such heaveh work...

Then! Suddenleh! A tall night elf with bright white hair came ridin' on 'is Quel'Dorei steed, an' stopped jus' in time o' 'e wud've crushed Whitehoof's face in. Tha dwarves took oop their weapons bar the elf put 'is 'hands in th'air.
"Do not fear, stout warriors!" 'e said. Bein' compared tae ale cheered tha dwarves oop an' they put their weapons doon.

The elf told 'em 'e wos a prince o'sum far away land (which turned oot tae be the isle o' Quel'Danas) and as soon as 'is eye fell on Whitehoof 'e fell in love with 'er. After puttin' 'is eye back in tha elf couldnae 'old 'imself an' kissed 'er, creating many gasps from tha dwarves.

Slowleh, Whitehoof started openin' 'er eyes. She saw tha elf an' fell in love with 'im tae. 'E carried 'er on 'is steed, o', meant tae, because tha tanj'n beast wouldnae stand still an' they both soared o'er tha saddle an' off th'otha end, which caused a lot o'chuckles from tha dwarves.

With a glare taewards tha dwarven lads tha elf an' 'is lass fin'ly sat on tha steed. He wos tae take 'er back tae 'is isle an' tha dwarves cud visit them as many times as they liked.

Aye ah know it be a quick endin' bar ah want sum ale noo! Me throat's dry from talkin'!
Tanj'n!
Image

[Liandrix] says: On a scale from one to ten... what is your favourite colour from the alphabet?

All Druid forms have been converted to .PDF.
User avatar
Finna
Rhymer
 
Posts: 2464
Location: Leeuwarden, Holland
WWW

Return to The Shady Rest Inn



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users