From The Desk of Erethas Greywing

It's happy hour, the alcohol is flowing. It's time to pull up a tankard of ale, bottle of wine for the ladies and regail tales of heroism and grandeur.

Topic/Postby Erethas » 20 Apr 2011, 01:14

From the cell of Erethas Greywing

No doubt you may have heard about my current plight, dear readers. For those of you not following current events in Stormwind, let me inform you that I am writing this column from my damp and dark cell inside the Stormwind Stockades.

But how could such a lawful and upstanding man like myself end up in a place like this, you surely wonder. Allow me to tell my story, dear readers, so that it could possibly serve as a parable of foolish actions for others to avoid.

It was about two months ago. I was working in my office inside Stormwind Keep as usual, and it was nearing lunch time. However, I was rather busy with work that day, and couldn't even take a break to visit the mess hall. I kindly asked a messenger boy to bring me my lunch to my office, but it seems that he was sidetracked into another errant and forgot about me. With lunch hour long gone and my hunger on the rise, I decided to visit the kitchen myself to see if I was lucky enough to find any leftovers.

And in luck I was, because I found that a pumpkin pie had survived the lunch period. And what a delicious pie it was! I entered the kitchen to congratulate the chef, and to my horror he informed me that this pie was intended for King Varian himself! Hearing this, I broke down in a fit of coughing and sweating. How could I, Erethas Greywing, deprive my Liege of his delicious pie in such a gluttonous way? The chef tried to comfort me, saying that the King had already left the Keep on urgent business and the pie would have gone to waste anyway, but that didn't matter to me. What if he DID want to eat that pie? What if he found out that his favorite pumpkin pie was missing? What if he had to make a vital decision for the future of the Stormwind, while he tried to struggle with his craving for delicious pie? And what if he reached a rushed and unwise decision because of my actions? I could never forgive myself.

That night I could get no sleep. The pie was haunting me. Images of my beloved King, staring sadly into an empty plate, kept me awake. I needed to atone for my actions.

I confessed my crime to the Captain of the Guard, but he laughed me off. I even brought the chef with me as witness, but he still didn't care. I contacted a few prosecutors I know, but no one wanted to bring my case to the courts. Finally I decided to bring the case forth myself. I was worried that being both the prosecutor and the defendant could make me a bit biased, but I knew that it was still a better option than letting me go unpunished.

My first few attempts to bring the case to a court were quickly dismissed, but when I threatened to file for discrimination of justice, they were kind enough to set up a court date for my case. Despite my best efforts, however, the first court found me innocent on the grounds that “the whole deal with the pie was ridiculousâ€￾. A lesser man would have accepted that verdict, but not me. I could not let a despicable man like myself walk freely on the streets of Stormwind after what I had done. So I challenged that ruling and took the case to a new court. This time I would be relentless. I used every legal trick I could to make sure that I could convince the judge that I was guilty. And finally Justice shone. Here is the transcript of his final verdict:

JUDGE:
BY THE LIGHT, WILL YOU STOP WASTING OUR TIME IF I SEND YOU TO THE STOCKADES?

GREYWING:
ONLY IF FOR AN AMOUNT OF TIME APPROPRIATE TO MY HEINOUS CRIME.

JUDGE:
I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FURBOLG, YOU CAN ROT IN THERE ALL YOUR LIFE FOR ALL I CARE. JUST TELL THE WARDEN TO LET YOU OUT WHEN YOU FEEL YOU HAD ENOUGH.


And there you have it, dear readers, my catharsis. I have been here for a month, with my only entertainment being my work papers that I have requested to be send to my cell so that I can continue to serve Stormwind even in incarceration.

The warden ordered that two guards are to escort me at all times, saying that the other inmates are looking for an opportunity to “turn my face into pulpâ€￾. But regardless of prison politics, I took this as a measure that has put any thoughts about escaping off my mind, something for which I am grateful.

So worry not, dear readers, for as soon as I have paid for my crime, I will be able to meet you again on the streets and parks of our beautiful city.

With much regret for his crimes,
-Erethas Greywing.
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Topic/Postby Dremonth » 20 Apr 2011, 08:43

Hah! Seems my joke took on a life on its own
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Topic/Postby Erethas » 20 Apr 2011, 13:56

Yeah, I thought, "Why not make a story out of this?"
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Topic/Postby Serendipity » 20 Apr 2011, 17:48

I laughed on the train. People stared.

I really must stop this random giggling thing.....
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Topic/Postby Chie » 04 Jun 2011, 11:09

Awesomesauce, really funny and really Erethas :P
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