The Gnome and the Ogres

Cute and Quiet. Makes a lot of hand gestures, a bit like Yoda, but less green.

Topic/Postby Gergel » 02 Nov 2008, 11:21

The Gnome and the Ogres

"Raaaaaaaarrrrrrrr!" said the Ogre. "Me smash Gnome!"

He was pretty badly injured. A trail of blood lead from the larger path to this
boulder that he was now sitting next to. Giant footprints left no doubt as to
what had caused the Ogre's injuries. And the stench of a Gronn only confirmed
what was already obvious.

He would sit and recuperate. Then he would perhaps get up and drag himself back
home, if he managed to stay alive.

But now there was a tiny creature before him. He'd seen her kind before, and
those scurrying critters were never good news. With his current weakened and
injured state, the Gnome would most likely kill him. But he did not intend to
give up. He'd survived a giant Gronn attack -- he would damn well fight for his
life against this puny thing.

The Ogre tried to lift his club. It seemed too heavy.

The Gnome stepped closer. She did not raise a sword. Nor a mace. And she did not
throw a nasty spell at the Ogre.

Instead... she hugged him. Or as much of him as she could grab with her arms
stretched out.

This was unlike anything the Ogre had ever encountered before. The club dropped
from his hand. Then he just sat there, not knowing what he should do next.

The gnome pulled shiny purple-coloured bandages from her bag and did her best to
dress his wounds. The juicy delicious Mok'Nathal shortribs she gave him helped
the Ogre to regain some of his strength.

She did not say a word while tending to him. Not even when a huge stealthy
spider decloaked behind her and struck out. She just turned, froze the spider
into a glittering mountain of ice with the flick of her wrist, stepped back and
unleashed several chunks of flying piercing frost at the creature until it let
out a death-hiss and dropped on its back, twitching.

"Me... no smash Gnome," said the Ogre. "Gnome friend of Groblat. Me strong...er
now. Me go home. Gnome go me's home too. But first Gnome talk to Mog'dorg.
Groblat's home maybe no friend of Gnome. Mog'dorg tell Gnome what do, then Gnome
do, then Groblat's home friend of Gnome."

* * *

That evening, sitting in a random tavern with random guild mates, a slightly
fidgeting Gergel showed three pieces of parchment to her friends. Written in
crude large Ogre script, the parchments called for slaying of certain Gronn and
collection of certain items these Gronn were carrying.

"So... you want to go kill these Gronn critters?" Alwynn asked Gergel. Gergel
nodded. "And you want some help with those?" Another nod. "Alright. Might as
well. I didn't have any plans for tonight anyway."

They looked around. "Oi! Gergel here is going to Blade's Edge to kill a bunch of
big fat Gronn. I'll help her. Anyone with us?"

With a clank of plate armour, Lamorak rose. "My shield will stand between us and
the Gronn."

"I can do many things," said Nysard at the end of the table. "I can heal your
wounds or -" his body suddenly seemed transparent and surrounded with dark
shadows "- hit the Gronn hard where it hurts, or -" the shadows dissipated and
Nysard was sitting in light again, no longer semitransparent "- throw
intricately crafted jewels at them. I admit the last option is not particularily
useful under the current circumstances."

Gergel grinned and gave a two-thumbs-up sign to her companions.

"Anyone els..." Alwynn started, only to discover there were actually no other
Rhymers present. "Four of us? Five, actually, with Biggie." Gergel lifted a hand
and conjured a tiny image of a water elemental floating a fraction of an inch
above her palm. "Six of us. Hah. As Pepple says, we'll just wang it."

At that, Gergel briefly acquired a curious expression on her face. But her
companions did not notice it.

* * *

They flew to Blade's Edge Mountains and... wanged it. Very successfully. Gronn
dropped like flies, left and right.

When they had done away with three of the creatures, there was a put-put-put of a mechanical engine and out of the clear sky dropped a smoking clattering flying thing. Out of it jumped a slightly-smoking not-really-clattering definitely-not- flying Pepple. With his help, smacking the final few Gronn was a cakewalk. There were no chroniclers around to document the Gronns' plight. But the stories which thereafter circulated amongst Blade's Edge Ogre tribes made the adventuring party out to be some sort of divine beings, raining death and destruction down upon those who had oppressed the Ogres for so long. No one knows what kind of stories circulated among local carrion-eaters, but they looked fat and satisfied afterwards for quite a long time.

In the end, Mog'dorg the Wizened took from Gergel the container of the soul of
the foulest, evilest Gronn. He lifted it high above his head (which was very
high indeed, considering that he was standing on top of a tall platform, and
that, as an Ogre, he was quite tall himself) and shouted to many Ogres who had
gathered below them: "All heil Gergel! The new Queen of Ogres!"

And they danced. Especially Groblat, even in his injured state with bandages
trailing from him.

"Gnome now go to Groblat's home!" he shouted. "Gnome friend of all Ogres!"

* * *

And that about covers the the events which transpired that day.

In the evening Gergel sat in her older sister Velash's house in Stormwind. She
toyed with a boxful of chips, each of which had a letter written on it. Slowly
she arranged a few chips into a particular order, reading the result over and
over every time she added a new letter. In the end, satisfied with the result,
she turned to her sister who was casually cooking dinner, looking fairly happy
to be out of her usual businesswoman attire.

"What'ca got there?" Velash asked.

Gergel pointed at the two words meticulously arranged on the table.

Velash read the words, giggle-snorted, almost dropped the ladle she was holding
and then burst out laughing.

"Where did you hear THAT?" she asked Gergel when she could control herself
again.

Gergel pointed towards the door.

"Outside... Er... from some random person on the street?"

Headshake.

"From your guild mates?"

Nod.

"The dwarf you're so fond of? Stone... something?"

Headshake.

"The boss woman? I would expect something like that from her, especially when
she's drunk."

Headshake.

"Then whatshisname, the lady magnet. Pop... Pup... Pep something. Pepple?"

Gergel nodded.

"And you're asking me what it means?"

Nod.

"Well... uh... I guess you already figured out the, ah, indirect meaning. 'Go
and do something without any real plan. Just do it and hope it works.'"

Gergel nodded and grinned. The crude Ogre carving "QEN OF ORGE" which was
sitting in the middle of the table proved that "wanging it" had certainly worked
this time.

"But the direct meaning... Well... 'Wang' is a man's..." Velash pointed
downwards at her groin area. "...Parts."

Gergel blushed.

"So your Mister Pepple is basically suggesting that he -" Gergel's sister
started shaking with giggles again "- should hit the Gronn with his..." And she
had to sit so she wouldn't fall down with laughter. "No wonder he's got all
those ladies around him if he can kill a Gronn with... it."

Gergel, still blushing, scooped up the chips and dumped them into the pile with
the rest of them.
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Gergel
Gergel Cosmic Smash!
 
Posts: 1995
Location: Estonia

Topic/Postby Nysard » 02 Nov 2008, 13:10

Brilliant!
Nysard
 

Topic/Postby Alwynn » 02 Nov 2008, 14:22

Me likes ! Raawwwwr
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Alwynn
Grrrroooaaarrrwwwllll
 
Posts: 1435
Location: Portugal


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