The Adventures of Og the Ogre

Cute and Quiet. Makes a lot of hand gestures, a bit like Yoda, but less green.

Topic/Postby Gergel » 08 Apr 2008, 11:27

The Adventures of Og the Ogre

A little something I wrote a while ago. Hopefully this might alleviate a tiny bit of boredom from some of y'all.

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The Adventures of Og the Ogre
=============================

Me Og. Og Ogre. Og strong! Og also smart! Og not smart as goblin. Og not
smart as human. Og not smart as orc. But Og smarter than other ogres. Ogre
see small human, ogre say "Raaaaaaaaaaaaarrr! Me smash human!" and then ogre
smash. But Og no smash. Og see small human, Og no smash human. If human no
attack Og, Og no attack human. If human hit Og with stick, then Og smash.

Og live alone in cave. Cave in mountain. Mountain far away from humans and
orcs. Og no see humans and orcs. Nobody bother Og.

Og get bored. Og have no one to talk to. Og talk to rock but rock no talk
back much.

Og go away from mountain. Og find big forest. Og go through forest. Then Og
find big mountain. Mountain not Og's mountain. Og go over mountain. Then Og
find pretty place. Lots of grass. Lots of small goats eat grass. Og eat
goat. Goat good. Lots of big goats with big horns and big hair. Og eat big
goat. Big goat not so good so Og eat more small goat.

Og find other ogres. Ogres say "Raaaaaaaaaaaaarrr! Me smash Og!" and try
smash Og. Og smash ogre. Og smash other ogre. Then ogres say "No smash us!"
and Og no smash ogre anymore. Ogres say ogres Og's friends. So Og start live
with ogres in cave.

Og find ogres are nice. Ogres know where best goats.

One morning Og wake up and hear ogres shouting. Og go out of cave and see
small hairy human and small cat. Cat hit ogre and ogre hit cat. Human shoot
pointy sticks at ogre. Ogre stupid and no notice human. Cat hit ogre and
human shoot ogre and then ogre die. Human take ogre's silver and loincloth.
Then cat start hitting other ogre and human start shooting other ogre. Og see
other other ogres stupid too. They no see cat or human and no help other
ogre. Og smart. Og see cat and human hit friend. So Og go and SMASH human!
When Og smash human, cat run away. Other ogre happy and thank Og.

Og go back to cave. Og not even sit down when Og hear ogres shout again. Og
go out and see small human and small cat attack ogre again. Og go and smash
human. Cat run away again.

Og think human strange. Og smash human but human come back again. Now Og
wait. Og look at smashed human on ground. Suddenly smashed human on ground
not there anymore. Only human bones. Og see small human and small cat again.
Cat attack ogre again. Og smash human again. Cat run away again.

Og think human more stupid than ogre. Human get smashed. Human return. Human
get smashed again. Human return again. Og smash human many many times. Human
return many many times. Og teach ogres to smash human when human return.
Ogres like smashing human. Og go hunt goat. When Og smash goat and eat goat,
Og come back to camp and see human still get smashed. Lots of bones on
ground. In evening human no return anymore. Og think human very stupid.

Many days later Og wake up and go out of cave. Og no see small human and
small cat for many days. Og happy. Then Og see a small orc. Orc wear clothes
not metal. Orc no have pointy metal stick. Orc no have little sticks to
shoot. Orc only have big wood stick but orc not use stick to smash ogres. Orc
look at ogres. Ogres no see orc. Og see orc. Orc no hit Og with stick so Og
no smash orc.

Then orc say "Rare!" and shoot magic at Og! Magic hurt Og. Og angry! Og SMASH
orc! Og then sit on dead orc.

Og notice dead orc gone. Og sit on bones. Bones crunchy so Og stand up. Og
see orc again. Orc run away fast. Og think orc smart to run away and no chase
orc.

But orc come back with other orcs. Og see orcs and get ready to smash. Og
think orcs want hit Og. Og right. Big orc with metal clothes come and hit Og
with pointy stick. Big orc try break Og's armor. Big orc say bad thing about
Og's mother. Og angry and SMASH orc. Then Og notice small orcs throw magic at
Og. And other small orc throw magic at big orc. Big orc get stronger and is
not smashed. Big orc say bad thing about Og's mother again. Og smart! Og
think big orc want Og to smash big orc. Og think Og smash big orc but little
orcs throw magic at Og. Magic hurts! So Og go and smash little orcs that
throw magic. Then Og smash little orc that make big orc stronger. Then Og
smash big orc. Then Og see all orcs dead and Og happy.

Og see big orc and little orcs alive again. Little orcs shout at big orc. Big
orc shout back. Then big orc come hit Og again with pointy stick. Small orcs
no do anything. Big orc hit Og again. Og smart! Og think small orcs want Og
mad at big orc. Og think orcs think if Og mad, Og no notice small orcs throw
magic. So Og go smash small orcs. Then Og smash big orc. Then orcs no come
back anymore.

Og start see many people. Orcs and humans and cow mans and bone mans. Many
people want hit Og. Og smash all.

Og see tiny little human with black clothes. Tiny human put bad magic on Og.
Magic hurt Og long time. Tiny human make scary noise at Og. Og no get scared.
Og step on tiny human. Tiny human go splat. Tiny human no come back.

Og see cow man turn into big bear. Bear hit Og. Og smash bear. Bear tough and
hard to smash. Og smash bear anyway. Bear turn back into cow man and Og smash
cow man. Cow man no come back.

Og see small human. Human have no much meat. Human have bones sticking out of
human. Bone man very strange. Bone man look at ogres and Og. Og think he want
smash bone man. Bone man no smash ogre. Bone man no smash Og. So Og no smash
bone man. Bone man talk to Og. Bone man friendly. Bone man give Og goat. Goat
good. Goat better than goat Og kill. Bone man tell Og he cook goat on fire.
Og bring bone man to ogre camp. Ogres want smash bone man. Og tell ogres bone
man friend. Ogres no smash bone man. Bone man take goat and cook goat on ogre
fire. Goat good. Ogres like bone man.

Bone man tell Og he needs smash bad demon. Og say he friend of bone man. Og
go with bone man to mountains. Og see lots of little demons. Og see lots of
demons. Og see one big demon. Og smash demons. Bone man smash demons with
magic. Og see bone man smash good. Og and bone man smash many demons. Demons
have money. Og no need money so bone man take all money. Og see bone man
happy. Then Og and bone man smash big demon. Big demon hard to smash. Big
demon try smash bone man. Og remember what big orc try do to Og and say bad
thing about big demon's mother. Big demon angry and try smash Og. Og strong!
Og no get smashed. Og and bone man smash big demon many many times. Big demon
get smashed good. When big demon smashed, Og find purple clothes on big
demon. Og think clothes good for Og's loincloth. Bone man say he like
clothes. Bone man say if Og give bone man clothes, bone man make better
loincloth for Og. Og happy with that. Bone man take clothes. Bone man wear
clothes. Bone man look good. Bone man take other clothes and make loincloth
for Og. Loincloth very pretty! Og like loincloth very much. Og like bone man
very much.

Bone man tell Og he go away. Bone man say he Og's good friend. Og say he bone
man's good friend. Bone man go away. Og sad. Og cook goat on ogre fire but
goat no taste so good as bone man's goat.

Og see lots of humans and orcs and cow mans and bone mans again. Humans and
orcs and cow mans and bone mans want smash Og. Og smash humans and orcs and
cow mans and bone mans. Og tired. Og go back to Og's cave in Og's mountain.
Og live in Og's cave again. Og happy. Og think maybe Og go back to grass land
and friendly ogres. Og think Og go back when Og bored again.
User avatar
Gergel
Gergel Cosmic Smash!
 
Posts: 1995
Location: Estonia

Topic/Postby Serendipity » 08 Apr 2008, 11:29

Ahhh, this always made me smile.
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Serendipity
Blorgh.
 
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Topic/Postby Erethas » 08 Apr 2008, 12:11

Human take ogre's silver and loincloth.
I seriously laughed out loud at his part.
You are now breathing manually.
Erethas
Rhymer
 
Posts: 1735

Topic/Postby Alwynn » 08 Apr 2008, 16:40

Heh funny reading
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Alwynn
Grrrroooaaarrrwwwllll
 
Posts: 1435
Location: Portugal

Topic/Postby Romdjoll » 14 May 2008, 15:42

Great read that, cheers for sharing G.
Romdjoll
 


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