Ordinary day

Crazy with impeccable logic that makes no sense, Short stories and adventures for your enjoyment

Topic/Postby Tormeron » 22 May 2012, 10:40

Ordinary day

It has been a long day, the rain has been pouring down for two days now.
A person or two can be seen traveling through the city as fast as possible.
At the corner of a street under the protection of the roofs a gnome is trying to explain to a certain human why he should not buy regular swords but engineered swords.

At another place a priest is just running along to the cathedral for one task or another.

Not far from there lies a nice little inn, the pride of specific animal, somewhere in the forests of Elwyn.
The chimney smoking steadily gray smoke, the local environment smelling of smoked meat.

Inside the inn a human is sitting on a chair by the stairs looking at his side at the fire cackling silently while he listening to a conversation between a dwarf and a gnome.
Gnome " i know the way to increase your forge's performance, if you will allow me to just arrange your.."
the dwarf moves his hands trying to cut off the gnome's speech "listen..."
Gnome ".. forge with some specially designed whirring wheels and ..."
the dwarf looking more uncomfortable trying to voice himself again "if you will just-..."
".. some specially modified dynamite which would burn for longer..."
the dwarf pushes himself a bit off the chair trying to get the gnome's attention while voicing himself again but a bit harder "listen!"

The gnome looking amazed at the dwarf asking quickly "what?"
The dwarf looking slightly relieved letting out a slight sigh while the gnome completely misunderstanding the sigh tries to continue his sentence ".. allow me to change the design of.."
The dwarf's face scrunching into anger

The human nearby seems slightly amused, taking up his staff in order to stand up. He eyes both the gnome and the dwarf, he taps on the gnome's shoulder
the gnome turns suddenly surprised at this intrusion of personal space and more so amazed that there is another person behind him that he hadn't yet explained to the full potential of gnomish engineering.

The human says deliberately slowly "i believe the dwarf doesn't want that!"
the dwarf seeming relieved adds "It's just the forge works fine as is, thank you very much"
taking his mug of beer trying to drink what is left off the beer, peering into the mug since no beer wets his mouth, seemingly suddenly very interested in the lack of beer.

The gnome turns back around, the human smiles and walks off up the stairs slowly for a light sleep.

Meanwhile in the city, a gnome that has been explaining his idea just finished, the human agreeing that if the gnome can build a safe version of a mechanized sword he will think of wielding it.

The priest that has hurried to the cathedral just finished mending some injured kid's arm and hurries back to her home for a nice lunch and enjoying some silence for a while.
Lilandris wrote:Liandrix' words not mine, but Tormeron is a god apparently. Probably a bit like Loki.

serendipity wrote:Reason: Potato.

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Topic/Postby Sarawr » 22 May 2012, 10:54

Shift key is your friend, also might want to edit the story a bit in regards of grammar as well, along with the dialogue. Excessive use of dots in speech is unnecessary, and only useful if the person in question trails of; for example, not finishing a sentence but the thought still remains, or a question hangs in the air that is predictable for the reader to guess that there is no need to write it at all.

For example the human speaking slowly in your story. We already know he speaks like that so there is no need for the dots in between each word to enhance the effect.

Fixing all that and I am sure it will be easier to read afterwards.
Traest wrote:RP is like farting. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.


Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.
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Topic/Postby Tormeron » 22 May 2012, 11:04

Leatrice wrote:Shift key is your friend

Yeah... i know... problem is with me
Lilandris wrote:Liandrix' words not mine, but Tormeron is a god apparently. Probably a bit like Loki.

serendipity wrote:Reason: Potato.

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Topic/Postby Gergel » 22 May 2012, 14:21

Leatrice wrote:Shift key is your friend


*high-five*
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